Johnny stumbles ...

[Johnny M]

... Johnny Falls. Again.

A combination of pointy boots with no tread on the sole and a 'wet' gents toliet floor is normally conducive to falling over backwards when you slip. If I'd hit the wall I would have bounced off it but unfortunately the condom machine attached to said wall with it's sharp metal angles put paid to my head. And then I thought maybe I'll have a little sleep.

Whoever discovered me (Purp?) and then Jamie went to fetch Planet Dave. As Dave said to me this morning, and he's a medical man, he'd never been so s**t scared in his entire life at the sight he saw.

But as we all know head/facial wounds bleed ten times more profusely than any other, so I can imagine it was scary. Again, as Dave said as he aided, at one stage from his finger tips to his elbows on both arms were completely stained red with my blood.

For all those who eventually got me to A&E thank you.

So I got 15/15 on my stats, no concussion, no headache, no vomiting, no drowsiness and totally lucid. And the x-rays were fine.

I had an offer of stitches if I was prepared to go into an observation ward and wait until 4pm today to get them inserted. Instead in the end I agreed with the consultant that we'd go for the super glue. SIX hours later Humpty Dumpty left A&E intact at 7am.

Particular thanks to Dave, Jamie and Lee who stayed and had a fab six hours in A&E. Thank you.

Even when one of you was trying to steal things.

I don't mean to demean any of this and make a joke as I know some of you were genuinely scared. I apologise. And yes, I love you too.

To all those who've contacted me today (or attempted to contact me) thank you. You're all fab and gorgeous.

Love to you all.

[smiscandlon]

pointy boots with no tread

Bloody goths.

[Debaser]

... Johnny Falls. Again.

A combination of pointy boots with no tread on the sole and a 'wet' gents toliet floor is normally conducive to falling over backwards when you slip. If I'd hit the wall I would have bounced off it but unfortunately the condom machine attached to said wall with it's sharp metal angles put paid to my head. And then I thought maybe I'll have a little sleep.

Whoever discovered me (Purp?) and then Jamie went to fetch Planet Dave. As Dave said to me this morning, and he's a medical man, he'd never been so s**t scared in his entire life at the sight he saw.

But as we all know head/facial wounds bleed ten times more profusely than any other, so I can imagine it was scary. Again, as Dave said as he aided, at one stage from his finger tips to his elbows on both arms were completely stained red with my blood.

For all those who eventually got me to A&E thank you.

So I got 15/15 on my stats, no concussion, no headache, no vomiting, no drowsiness and totally lucid. And the x-rays were fine.

I had an offer of stitches if I was prepared to go into an observation ward and wait until 4pm today to get them inserted. Instead in the end I agreed with the consultant that we'd go for the super glue. SIX hours later Humpty Dumpty left A&E intact at 7am.

Particular thanks to Dave, Jamie and Lee who stayed and had a fab six hours in A&E. Thank you.

Even when one of you was trying to steal things.

I don't mean to demean any of this and make a joke as I know some of you were genuinely scared. I apologise. And yes, I love you too.

To all those who've contacted me today (or attempted to contact me) thank you. You're all fab and gorgeous.

Love to you all.

I leave you lot alone for 10 mins and LOOK what happens Hope you're ok and your devastating beauty will not be marred...

[Obviousman]

Good to hear you're okay, Johnny

Condom machines... They should forbid the damn things

[Johnny M]

Hope you're ok and your devastating beauty will not be marred...

Tea and cakes always makes it better.

But yes, mixing threads, "Don't Fall' was the highlight of the night.

[The Pope]

Let's look at your weekend, Mr. M, shall we?

1. Cigs cause flood.
2. Condoms bust head.

A sign? Stop smoking and get laid.

[Johnny M]

Let's look at your weekend, Mr. M, shall we?

1. Cigs cause flood.
2. Condoms bust head.

A sign? Stop smoking and get laid.

Nah , nobody wants to sleep with me. I'm a girl-less, sleep-less zone.

[snowey]

f**k-in Hell....How's the condom machine doing???

[Johnny M]

f**k-in Hell....How's the condom machine doing???

Winning.

[timsinister]

Like I said yesterday, Sisters nights MUST end in a visit to A&E!

Half the party that accompanied you should probably have stayed, too.

Glad you're feeling better; we'll have Heartland V in your front room, not so far to go, eh?

Good to see you!

[emilystrange]

oh HONESTLY....

[markfiend]

Blimey

I bailed out of Saturday night too early for the "excitement" and look what I missed.

Glad you're OK John.

[doc P]

never travel without your personal ICU-doc

[Mrs RicheyJames]

I missed you by half an hour!!!!! Started at 7.30. THAT would have been.....erm......Interesting!!

[emilystrange]

the question is, missy, where were you before that....

[Johnny M]

I missed you by half an hour!!!!! Started at 7.30. THAT would have been.....erm......Interesting!!

Indeed. Until next time but preferably at the main event and not the regular HL aftershow A&E party.

[Mrs RicheyJames]

the question is, missy, where were you before that....

I'm blaming Zuma for the afternoon's session in the Angel!! Fell asleep on the bus. Ended up feck knows where and fell asleep again when I got home! That'll teach me not to work nights and days for the past eight days and not eat properly!!

[Zuma]

the question is, missy, where were you before that....

I'm blaming Zuma for the afternoon's session in the Angel!! Fell asleep on the bus. Ended up feck knows where and fell asleep again when I got home! That'll teach me not to work nights and days for the past eight days and not eat properly!!

As if you needed your arm twisted, I'll post the pictures too

[Zuma]

Anyways, Cat and I are glad yer ok Johnny!

[Mrs RicheyJames]

I'll post the pictures too

The ones with my hair up and no make up on?? Nnnnnnooooooooooo

[Zuma]

Nah, just the one of you with the Scottys

[CorpPunk]

Oh dearie me Johnny. That's what happens when you go out without your minder. I think, at approximately the same time you were having a rumble with the condom machine, I was falling off a pool table in a dive bar in South Dakota. Luckily my Best Man's Dress (and one of the groomsmen) broke the fall!

Glad you can still see out of both eyes!

[Johnny M]

Oh dearie me Johnny. That's what happens when you go out without your minder. I think, at approximately the same time you were having a rumble with the condom machine, I was falling off a pool table in a dive bar in South Dakota. Luckily my Best Man's Dress (and one of the groomsmen) broke the fall!

Glad you can still see out of both eyes!

That's my girl Jen! Hope you're all OK and nothings broken. Apart from the groomsman.

Living proof, if it even be needed, that the authorities would never sanction us being permitted to socialise in the same room at the same time. They fear it would all end in carnage. And rightly so.

[CorpPunk]

That's my girl Jen! Hope you're all OK and nothings broken. Apart from the groomsman.

Well I'm okay, but the dress is a little worse for wear (I think someone still has part of the petticoat bit, but not enough to lower the price on eBay so don't even think about asking for discounts). And as for the groomsman...I'm pretty sure he was cool with it.

Living proof, if it even be needed, that the authorities would never sanction us being permitted to socialise in the same room at the same time. They fear it would all end in carnage. And rightly so.

Dude, I'm not one to start or anything, but I'll fight you if I have to. Or just wait for you to find something else to hit your head on!



P.s. Are pix of the wound forthcoming?

[Johnny M]

P.s. Are pix of the wound forthcoming?

Fortunately not. I don't think by that stage of the evening anyone even knew what a camera was, let alone how to use one.

But it does remind me of the convo I had with Dave the next day when he said something along the lines of, with his medical training and a head injury, he shouldn't have attempted to move me but called for an ambulance instead.

To which I replied "Oh yeh, there's Johnny covered in blood, lying on the stretcher, just about to be loaded into the back of the ambulance when someone with a camera shouts "Stop!" so everyone present has time to rush around to the other side of the stretcher, strike a pose and get the 'Johnny Goes To Hospital' group pic for the gallery ..."

Heartlanders ... don't you just love 'em.