25/01/06 Scottish lonely hearts ads.

NEW RULES: One thread per day only. If there's a thread for today already started, post on that. And if there isn't? Then you get to start one. Aren't you the lucky one?
Post Reply
User avatar
Silver_Owl
The Don
Posts: 7498
Joined: 27 Sep 2003, 18:52

Real ads from the lonely-hearts column.

Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone,
Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango
sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion.
Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08


Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.
Box06/03


Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested
in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on
Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.


Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime fiancée
seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in
this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box 53/41


Ginger-haired Partick troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a
few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe
more. Box 84/87


Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach,
writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes,
seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more
as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful
crazy journey. Strong stomach essential Box 12/32


Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will
include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social
functions. References required. No timewasters. Box 23/45


Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the
arse end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big
chest. Box 40/27


Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and
dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering
dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
Box 52/07


Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler
competition at Framptons Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks
nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent
comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!
Box 30/41

Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for
the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm

(No offence to me Scottish mates!) :innocent:
We forgive as we forget
As the day is long.
User avatar
markfiend
goriller of form 3b
Posts: 21182
Joined: 11 Nov 2003, 10:55
Location: st custards
Contact:

I saw one in Private Eye once:

"Spike Milligan seeks wealthy woman with a view to being included in her will."

It was genuinely put in by Spike. :notworthy:
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
User avatar
Big Si
School Bully
Posts: 6749
Joined: 19 Nov 2002, 00:00
Location: Glesga Central

Hom_Corleone wrote:Real ads from the lonely-hearts column.

Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested
in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on
Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.

(No offence to me Scottish mates!) :innocent:
That should read 31 years old....... :twisted:

:notworthy: :lol: :notworthy: :lol: :notworthy:
Wyrd bið ful aræd...

mybelgiannemesis
Post Reply