A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
Yes, I am on drugs.
23-aug-07
- EvilBastard
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A man and his wife are lying in bed one Sunday morning, when she turns to him and says, "Darling, if I died...would you remarry?"
He replies, "Of course not - I wouldn't be able to love another woman the way I love you."
"But I'd want you to be happy, and for the children to have someone that they could call 'mum'."
"Well, in that case," he says, "I guess I could remarry."
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
"Absolutely not - the memories that we have shared in this bed are too precious."
"But those memories are such happy ones - and I want you to be happy, even if I'm not with you."
"Well, in that case, I suppose it would be ok."
"Would you let her drive my car?"
"No, I couldn't do that - I remember how your eyes lit up when I gave you the car keys on your birthday. I couldn't imagine another woman driving it."
"But I hate to think of you losing money on the trade - it really doesn't make financial sense to trade it in yet."
"Well, I suppose you're right - ok, I'd let her drive your car."
"Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
"No way - she's left-handed."
He replies, "Of course not - I wouldn't be able to love another woman the way I love you."
"But I'd want you to be happy, and for the children to have someone that they could call 'mum'."
"Well, in that case," he says, "I guess I could remarry."
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
"Absolutely not - the memories that we have shared in this bed are too precious."
"But those memories are such happy ones - and I want you to be happy, even if I'm not with you."
"Well, in that case, I suppose it would be ok."
"Would you let her drive my car?"
"No, I couldn't do that - I remember how your eyes lit up when I gave you the car keys on your birthday. I couldn't imagine another woman driving it."
"But I hate to think of you losing money on the trade - it really doesn't make financial sense to trade it in yet."
"Well, I suppose you're right - ok, I'd let her drive your car."
"Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
"No way - she's left-handed."
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Hank Moody
- smiscandlon
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Lexi.Pat wrote:Lexus's
анархия
- markfiend
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Dan!smiscandlon wrote:Lexi.Pat wrote:Lexus's
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
—Bertrand Russell
- Izzy HaveMercy
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...I see a red door and I want it painted black...markfiend wrote: Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
Dan!
IZ.
-
- Black, black, black & even blacker
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...I see a white belt and I want it painted black...
should've stopped after the fifth
should've stopped after the fifth
Goths have feelings too
- Izzy HaveMercy
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It IS joke of the day, after all
IZ.
IZ.
- James Blast
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nup, nae idea whit yir oan aboot
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
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not a Scooby
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
- smiscandlon
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Scooby Doo = ClueSINsister wrote:What's a Scooby?
анархия
- James Blast
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Jezz! I thought you meant you didn't have "Misty Blue"
<insert similar equation to Steven's>
<insert similar equation to Steven's>
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
- James Blast
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I wish you the Mae West
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
- James Blast
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nup, lost fer stupid, again
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
- Izzy HaveMercy
- The Worlds Greatest Living Belgian
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Quite simple, both of you just start talking decent English and you'd be surprised how clear it all becomes...SINsister wrote: This is gonna require some work, I see...
IZ.
- bushman*pm
- Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
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And it takes a 'Flat-lander' to tell you that!Izzy HaveMercy wrote:Quite simple, both of you just start talking decent English and you'd be surprised how clear it all becomes...SINsister wrote: This is gonna require some work, I see...
IZ.
bloody septic tanks & sweaty socks!
LAND ROVER: THE BEAST FOUR BY FOUR BY FEAR! KICKS THE ARSE OFF RICEBURNERS!